Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
