I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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