remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
