You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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