Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
