Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
