He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
