she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
