thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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