I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
