my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
