I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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