Banned from zoo.
Again?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
