you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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