I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
