I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
