i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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