did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
