I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
