I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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