Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
