turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
