going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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