i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize