I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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