Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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