so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
