She said her name was "party"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
