And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
