if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
