Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
