So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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