you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You took a bar mat shot.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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