My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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