I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
