Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
