It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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