my phone needs a breathalizer
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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