Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
