FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
