Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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