i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
