how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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