I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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