I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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