it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
