the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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