i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize