There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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