I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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