I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's no shave November. This is our time.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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