We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
