Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
