I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
