my vag is so smooth its legendary
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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