i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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