I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
