Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
