I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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