I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
