I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
