I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
