You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
