I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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