Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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