girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
