did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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