living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
