went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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