I'm gonna have a badass scar
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
