Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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