Yo dont text me then not text me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
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I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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