My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
