I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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