Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
