He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
