First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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