I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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