Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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