guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
